Fear of Suicide? Watch Out For These Signs
Maybe you are worried your loved one will commit suicide. Or maybe they’ve already committed suicide and you feel guilty or ashamed for having missed all of the signs. Or maybe you’ve noticed some troubling behavior in your loved one and want to learn about suicide warning signs. Regardless of what your story is, I understand that suicide can be a very hard topic to discuss. So in honor of National Suicide Prevention Week, I wanted to provide you some much needed information on suicide as well as the warning signs.
Suicide Statistics
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the U.S. Specifically, in 2020, the CDC stated that for individuals between the ages of 10-14 and 25-34, suicide was the second leading cause of death; for individuals between the ages of 15-24, it was the third leading cause of death; and for individuals between the ages of 35-44, it was the fourth leading cause of death.
An unfortunate reality is that if you don’t know someone who committed suicide, then chances are you eventually will due to the sheer number of people committing suicide. As the NIMH put it, suicide is now a public health concern.
Warning signs
Now there are many different signs you can watch out for (the biggest one being depression). I’ve tried to break the signs down into categories, but remember, there may be some overlap. While you may not catch all of these, if you notice that your loved one is exhibiting multiple signs then this may be the perfect time to start a much needed conversation:
Mental Health/Substance Use
A mental health diagnosis (e.g., depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.)
Anger, rage, or irritable mood/temperament
Appetite Changes
Sleep changes
Feelings of guilt, shame, or worthlessness
Preoccupied with thoughts of death and dying
Hopelessness or feeling trapped, as if life will never get better
Depression begins to lift (if the person is not in treatment, this is a HUGE red flag because it may suggest that their depression has lifted because they “finally” see an end in sight ⎼ suicide.)
Chronic/increased substance use
Academic Changes
Decreased academic performance
Lack of concern or interest in passing/failing
Behavioral/Social/Verbal changes
Emotional withdrawal
Social Isolation
Acting reckless (especially when this is inconsistent with their previous patterns of behavior)
Making final arrangements (e.g., writing their will, looking into burial arrangements, etc.)
Giving away belongings
Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself
Buying weapons, gathering lots of pills or other methods of committing suicide
Saying goodbye to loved ones
Making suicidal threats
Familial/Personal factors
Lack of social support network (e.g., no friends, family, close coworkers, community, church family, etc.)
Family history of mental health issues (especially mood disorders) and substance use
Childhood history of trauma (e.g., physical, psychological, sexual abuse)
Previous suicide attempts
Transitions or Trauma
Recent grief or loss (e.g., death in the family, divorce, ending of a relationship, eviction/foreclosure, loss of savings/retirement)
Recent trauma (e.g., military personnel serving in war zones, rape, an abusive relationship, etc.)
External Factors
Suicides in the media (e.g., of celebrities, same-aged peers, etc.)
Reminder
To be clear, you can use the signs above as a guideline for what you can watch out for. However, a few things I want you to remember:
You are not responsible or at fault if your loved one commits suicide
You can say or do all of the “right things” and your loved one may still commit suicide
If your loved one commits suicide then you can’t and shouldn’t judge your past self or actions based on the information you have now
No matter how vigilant you are, you cannot stop someone from committing suicide
It is a sad fact of life that you can be the most loving, caring, and empathetic person in the world and your loved one may still choose to take their life. A person who is thinking about suicide is often in a very dark, depressed state and is not thinking rationally. Don’t take this personally! Chronic depression can convince anyone (even you!) that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what you do you may not be able to talk a suicidal person out of their plan.
Now you may be asking, ‘Then what can I do?’
What you can do is reserve judgment, empathize, and provide as much emotional support as you can.
Remember, they can’t be therapized (yes, that’s a made-up word) by you. You cannot fix them or be a therapist to them in hopes that they will change their mind. Instead, encourage them to reach out and get the help they need. Here are a few resources below:
National Suicide Prevention Line
Free Therapy Vouchers (for Black women and girls)
988 Suicide and Crisis and Crisis Lifeline (Call/Text in English or Spanish/Español)
Crisis Text Line (Text “HOME” to this number)
Psychology Today (Resource to help you find a therapist or psychiatrist)
***P.S. I’ve discussed what you can do to help someone else struggling with possible suicidal thoughts. But what if that person is YOU? Then this is a reminder that there IS help available. Remember, if you’re tired of living the life you’re currently living you can change it. Therapy, and in some cases medication, can help. To get started, use any one of the links/numbers above to get the support you need. Suicide does not have to be the end of your story.***
